It hits me pretty suddenly, and most often I can't even feel the creep of emotion. I was walking in Fred Meyer yesterday with Katherine when I walked by some Worthers Original Candies, and just like that I had a catch in my throat and a smile on my face, Mom always kept a few of these in her purse, and often the were there forever, but she liked the candies a lot. Both her and I had a little sweet tooth, so she would keep something on hand just in case. I of course bought myself a bag, and plan to eat myself sick, but It really dawned on me how fast missing her hits. Like this morning when I was going to get in the shower and I was thinking about Eric's birthday coming up (on Wednesday!) and I got to thinking about how my birthday isn't far after that, and then my thoughts trailed to my Mom being the first (always) to call me on my birthday, singing Happy Birthday and going on a long diatribe about "The Day you were born" and often would make me run a few minutes late on my way to work, school or whatever! I near panic when I realize I won't be getting that call this year, and being on time will never feel so wrong. I don't know why I feel panicked, I guess it's just the emotion that triggers. Silly tears, I need to get you to go away, and I will call you when I'm ready for you, no worries!
I miss you Momma, every day, but especially the days that end in Y.