Monday, April 30, 2012

Light Black

I always hated the phrase "are you feeling Blue". What's wrong with Blue? I like Blue! It's my favorite color. I feel like when I'm feeling down I feel more black than blue, but whatever.

I haven't been around here lately. The mix between my hectic schedule and feeling a little blue er... black... let's go with a light black. Has made the flow of my words cease. I don't feel like I have time for much anymore, and when I do take a day off for me to catch up with things I feel incredibly guilty that I'm not working on my Series 7 exam.

Eric's been really incredibly supportive - but I even feel a little guilty when he has to fend for himself. It's a lose lose situation, really. I need to find a balance, but some days I feel like I'm just trying to stay on the beam let alone find the balance on it.

Let's just say after reading S7 stuff all the way home, and running flashcards a few hours into my night I called it quits for the day. I'm exhausted. I don't sleep well on Sunday nights and so Monday is not the day for me to conquer the world, and I know that. I just wish I could pull my head out a little more to know that I am cranky on Mondays and to suck. it. up.

The impending month of June has been weighing heavy on my heart. I don't really know how to face it except for head on. I really wish I could crawl into a cave and let it wash over me. Maybe I'm making it out to be a bigger deal than it really will be, and maybe the anticipation is the worst part of it, It's so hard to fathom that it's been a year since we lost Mom. Our year of firsts with out her are nearing an end, but it still doesn't seem to be any easier. *Insert cliche's about time healing wounds here*. I feel so cynical about it all. I know I'm not the first person in the world that's lost their parent, but sometimes It feels like it. I'm very thankful I have Relay going on in June to both help me cope and face it head on with a group of supportive people.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's bed time. Yep, you heard me 8:15 and I'm out.

1 comment:

The Bam-Boozlers said...

Love and hugs in this month to come Abby, I love what you said about "being blue" how did blue get a bad name? If you ever just need to vent about your schedule I'm here with an open ear, you know I have walked this walk with rob and all his testing. So sending support and strength your way:)


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