This time of year is hard for me now that my Momma’s gone. I find myself looking under the tree for a tag with her name on it, or a phone call with her familiar voice singing to me. Every year, since she’s passed, I find myself on Christmas Eve while the candles are lit in the sanctuary, trying to hold myself together. Tears flow freely while Silent Night is being sung, it was her favorite night of the whole year. They say every year gets easier, and I suppose there is some truth to that, though it doesn’t feel that way. This year, I am choosing to keep the memories that are dear to me close so they don’t get too far away, and I share them at any moment’s notice.
Like the other night when I told Tim my tale of how I begged Mom to make Puppy Chow for me one year because all my friends Mom’s made it, I told her I even had a recipe for her! Which, by the way was IN the Recipe book I had made in Girl Scouts to give her as a gift, and I swiftly wrapped it later that evening. The next day she was ready to give in and make Puppy Chow and asked me for the Recipe. I burst into tears because I had already wrapped it, and I was heartbroken that her gift wasn’t going to be a surprise. She smiled, and asked if she could open it early, so that we could have the snack, and that she would act surprised any ways. So, we sat at the kitchen counter, she opened the gift, and made the biggest fuss over my recipe book complete with color book pages of the Precious Moments dolls that I had colored myself.
My Mom was a talented lady, a crafter at heart, but also a very skilled wood crafter. I will always remember the Christmas Mom made each of us kids something hand made from her skill saw and tools downstairs. We were all FORBIDDEN from the basement from Thanksgiving through Christmas eve. Shannon received a shelf for her precious moments that had two cut out hearts, Tony got a Gun rack for his three guns, and I got a cradle for my babies that actually rocked so I could rock them to sleep. I can’t remember how old I was, but I remember it, and the baby blanket and pillow she sewed me to go with it so vividly. I still have my cradle, It’s pretty busted, but I am looking forward to fixing it up a little and having it in my extra room when we get settled in at Tim & Kat’s.
It’s just times like these, where I miss her the most.